Going to Pieces

Over on The Bristol Board, there is a lovely scan of Schuiten's delightful Going to Pieces.  From the May 1978 issue of Heavy Metal, the cover and contents pages are included.

This is the kind of thing I really enjoyed back in the day.  Whimsical, mysterious, pretty.

Thanks to "earsplittingtrumpet" for putting this up, their link is on the post.

fred

Rant of the Forlorn

Motivation is hard to come by these days.  More change is coming to my life, I'm biding time again.  It'll be good, but the pain and suffering, the greed and stupidity, the ignorance and hate, roiling the world around me, even more than usual, is dismaying and infuriating, at a time I would rather be basking in my good fortune.

And I am fortunate.  In physical and material comfort and relative security, I have what I need and more.  The constraints of living in pandemic times impact me relatively little.  I can still get Heavy Metal Magazine, though I haven't been to a bookstore in months.  (I go to mycomicshop.com)

So why the sad face?  Mostly the dismay and fury.  But I am also realizing that my HM fanboyhood is stale.  My blog is riddled with gaps and links to nowhere.  I've procured and read #298 and #299, and #300 is out now, but I haven't even started my #298 review.  My curiosity has waned.  The mag is less exciting to me.  Less arresting or compelling art, less intrigue or mystery or awe in the stories, more action comic pacing and wordy exposition.  I'm not excited one bit by all the HM media empire machinations.  In fact it's distasteful to me.  It makes sense that they are leaning on Taarna for a brand property, since it's one of the few things HM actually owns, but it's amusing that Taarna's only a thing because they couldn't make the original movie character Arzak.  Action figures, swag, pinball machines (really?  are fantasy painted conversion vans coming back too?), spinoff comics and novels (doesn't anyone remember the Heavy Metal Pulp novels?) don't do it for me.   The current incarnation of the website is a slurry of incongruous bits of nostalgia and inane catergories like The Forge and Carousel.  And it hates my aging computer.

It's not all hopeless to me, like the links to the Arzak Rhapsody short videos are nice, and I still find some things to like in the mag, but I think after 40 years the HM world is finally passing me by, not that I was ever actually keeping up.  But, rummaging around in the pile of crap that surrounds me, for something to look forward to, I figure I'll keep buying the paper mag as long as it exists, and hope for the occasional morsels of fun, and it won't be too long before I decide to get to work on some reviews, and touching up my little blog.

Until next time, stay safe out there.

Heavy Metal #297

Welp, I got this issue # 297 in the beginning of February, and it's ridiculous that I'm just getting to this review now.  But many things are ridiculous in these ludicrous times, so I won't feel too bad about it.  I still try to be grateful for what I have, knowing I have plenty, and less to worry about than many.


Including being grateful for having Heavy Metal Magazine, that the paper mag is still being published, that I have means to get them.  It's a small pleasure to have, and I'm doing ok with the actual state of the mag.  It's a long time since the late 70s, and the current incarnation is only related to the transformative early years by the name and the logo and the tenuous thread of continuity of publication.  And I'm often not impressed by the content or the editorial machinations.  But there's plenty to like, and I won't burden this review with my whining, I'll save that for another post someday.


So this is labeled the Winter Special.  I got the cover A at the bookstore (remember going to bookstores?), with "Once Upon a Quiet Kingdom" by Brandi Milne.  Snowman constables playing in a candy and ice cream wonderland may not look like an HM cover, but it works for me, in an unnerving way, especially when I see the Gallery the artist has in this issue.


The contents page is just the list of stories and creators, with little snaps from the stories as the art.  The list of big shots continues to credit Peter Kleinman for the logo, and shows no changes but the absence of Ron English, last issue's Guest Editor.  This issue is 144 pages long, and the cover price is still $9.99.


"A Knight So True" by Cullen Bunn, Baldemar Rivas, Micah Myers - 7 - A Space Knight fights a Space Dragon in Space.  But it's not just as hokey as that sounds, the art is good and the Space Fight scenes are fantastic, in a literal as well as an early-Heavy Metal Magazine-type way.  And the Knight wakes up in Paradise, so his Fight didn't have a Happy Ending, which is another thing that could have been in the early years of the Mag.


"Sol Invictus" by Abraham Martinez, R.G. Llarena, Marco Perugini, Addison Duke. Jame - 5 - Roman Legionaries ending a battle with "filthy barbarians" encounter a particularly strong combatant.  The art is alright and has its moments, the story has some good questions, and I noticed the seasonal solstice reference, but it suffered with the jump from the pregnant captive about to be fed to the barbarian diety "Skoll", to the birth of Sol Invictus.  It made a bit more sense once I looked it up, but it didn't do much for how I felt about it.


"Black Metal Messiah" by Justin Jordan, Chris Anderson, Adam Wollet - 5 - Puritan ubermensch battles witchcraft, fighting fire with fire so to speak.  The art and story each show some quality of work, but I had a hard time going with how it went together.


"A Midnight Clear" by Ron Marz, Bart Sears, Andrew Dalhouse, Micah Myers - 6 - Extremely buff Santa is ambushed by trolls, who give him a gift in thanks for a long-ago kindness.  I like the art.  The sincerity of sentiment comes through even though I have to assume some background story.  Maybe it's a series that I just don't know about, there's lots of those.


Gallery with Andrew Shaffer - 7 - Andrew Shaffer delivers a rollicking interview with Hannah Means-Shannon, to accompany a good number of images about his holiday greeting cards of vintage images captioned ironically.  Some of it's too hip for an old fuddy-duddy like me, but it's good time holiday fun for when you're despairing for humanity.


"Chris Never - The Ghost of Christmas Never" by Jeffery Burandt, Jason Goungor, Omar Estévez, Micah Myers - 7 - Subtitled as "Sinder Klaus is Coming to Infinity Town, with Hannah Means-Shannon credited for editing.  This is presented as a comic style team of personalities/skill sets including representations of the ghosts of Christmas past, present, future, and never, plus the adorable angel-baby/weapons maker.  The team is sent to disrupt the bad guy killing Santa and destroying Christmas.  Serviceable art and snappy writing make this an engaging read, but not being a big comics fan it doesn't flip my switch the way I really like.


"The Spirit of Giving" by Tim Seeley, Pato Delpeche, Martín Túnica, Rodrigo Cardama - 5 - Compulsory gifting in the after-times authoritarian wasteland.  I found the story and art each to be both blunt and opaque.  And too on-the-nose for the time I am writing this.


"Black Smoke" by Hector Lima, Dalton Cara, Felipe Sobreiro, Charo Solis - 6 - A candidate for the new pope has a final interview (spoiler yeah) with a very old counselor, before being announced to the world, and it's actually the Christ revealed as the son of an alien species, imprisoned for two thousand years.  When the new pope promises to free Him, his fate is sealed.  An interesting premise that tickles my amusing-conspiracy-theory bone.

Gallery with Brandi Milne - 7 - More creepy cuteness from the celebrated creator of the cover A for this issue.  Hannah Means-Shannon's interview brings out Ms Milne's engagement with her art, of which is shown many fine examples.

"Bethlehem" by Andy Eschenbach, Gavin Smith, Chas! Pangborn - 5 - A (non-human) father lectures his son on the significance of the most sacred day in their solar cycle.  Obvious seasonal holiday references, but the thought behind the story did not penetrate my aging brain.

"Blizzard" by John Crowther, Oscar Pinto, Hector Negrete - 6 - Nice art technique and Wisconsin references (Milwaukee, "Uff-dah") and an Algonquin mythical monster (Wendigo) slightly elevate an otherwise obtuse story of a mass murderer in a Blizzard.

"Urban Developments" by Adam P. Knave, D.J. Kirkbride, Nick Brokenshire, Frank Cvetkovic - 7.5 - Holiday times with the family you love, when the crumbling world is a demon's plaything.  I liked the art, and the story put together some unlikely action with some holiday tropes, and I succeeded in getting some real emotion out of it.

"Murky World" by Richard Corben - 8 - It may not have any seasonal holiday references, but every issue of HM with Corben in it is a holiday issue if you ask me.  It's a gift to get this fun to read adventure of poor Tugat, falling from one peril to the next, ignored by former allies, offended by sorcerers, now with more dangling nads!  Best wishes for better times ahead to him, and to you!

Christmas Card Gallery by various artists - 6 - Santa and Krampus and Angels - oh my!  A handful of HM-ish Xmas card spoofs, I liked the hot-rod Krampus, and the Cthulhu the Snowman, which made me think of Calvin and Hobbes comics.

Overall an ok issue, and it's silly of me to reviewing this Winter Special as summer approaches, but it's not the first time I've dragged on my reviews, and it won't be the last.  I've got #298 waiting as #299 approaches release.

Heavy Metal #296

Well, I got #296 on the last day of 2019, just making 5 issues I got in that year, including Soft Wood.  As for #295, the cover price is $9.99 and it's got 200 pages.  It's the "Street Art Special".


(As foretold by Heavy Metal Magazine Magazine Senior Editor R.G. Llarena, #297 followed shortly after, and I spent time reading that instead of working on this review.  It's going on three months getting this review out, and now #298 is supposed to be out, but I have not seen it in a store yet.  I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it with everything closing.)


I got the Cover "A" at the bookstore, by Tristan Eaton.  I really wish I could find my 3D glasses for it.


On the contents pages, there's a Guest Editorial by Ron English, he's credited as Guest Editor, and the list of big shots not only includes a credit for the HM logo to Peter Kleinman again, there are changes including Josh Roberston as Digital Editor, and Matthew Medney as CEO.  Brian Witten and Paul Reder are not found, no more Mr Morrison either.  At the bottom is a "Special Thanks to Jeff Krelitz, this issue's Executive Creative Director, and former CEO."  So there's more shakeup at my favorite mag, and an interview gives the new CEO a chance to talk about his vision.  Knowing there's more to the story keeps me from getting too excited just yet.


To the magazine, which I enjoyed.


Ron English's short editorial describes how he learned that street art is more than graffiti on city walls.  Though the contents pages' art is a painted cityscape, which I didn't see a credit for, maybe even Mr English did it. 


"In Charon's Orbit" by Deih - 7.5 - It's noted as # 1 in The Insider Series.  So, did Charon really dump that guy into the river Styx?  Is that why he seems lost in the underworld?  I guess that's why he's so torn up about it.  The story is better than my lame attempt at humor, instrospective and perplexing.  I get some serious Druillet vibe from this one, the characterization, the sense of internal and external space.  I wish we could see more.


"The Rabbbits" by Ron English - 7 - Mr English's wacky story of the 3-eyed 3-eared Rabbbits, and their falling into a hole with other character-creatures, and the creation of Delusionville.  This could almost be the prequel to Mr English's "Combrats" from HM #292.


"Within One Minute Forward, Get the Brightest Days of Fortune" by Faith XLVII - 6 - The title is only listed on the Contents page, and the story includes "Special Appearance by Keya Tama".  A poetic mystical journey into the desert.  To bury a cat?  Art stark and stylized, the story told with few words.


"Graffiti Pulp:  100% True Stories of Art Crime" - 7.5 - Cover Artist Tristan Eaton's tale of 90s Detroit graffiti missions, one in particular.  A fun read accompanied by many examples of the artist's work.


Gallery - "Wynwood Walls" - 6 - Jessica Goldman Srebnik, CEO of Goldman Properties and Founder and CEO of Goldman Global Arts, is interviewed by Hannah Means-Shannon, about Wynwood Walls, an outdoor street art showcase in Miami.  Several pretty photos of the place crawling with tourists accompany Ms Means-Shannon's insightful questioning and Ms Goldman Srebnik's practiced answers.  The photos are not credited, I think they come from the WW organization (though I didn't see them at their website).  It is cool that some of the artists in this HM Street Art Special are also featured at this art park.  I did start to think of the long societal relationship of art with powerful benefactors, a topic more learned persons than myself would be able to discuss.  I also thought the tractor tread benches were cool, and that Ron English is noted as from Decatur IL.


"Dr. Nihil and the Tremendous Blunder" by Corentin Pedro, Mike Owen, Wendie Owen, Eric Ghoste, Jon Tanners - 6 - Oh just your atypical mutant mad scientist animating his android creation.  What could go wrong?  Art that's energetic and abbreviated at once, the cover and story are different but the same, and a short story with few words.  This appears to be a thing, they have a toy.


"How Big of a Dick Are You?" by Olek - 8 - A rambling slightly linear story told in the third person about Agata, a NYC based artist, and a fraction of their personal journey.  Accompanied by snaps of Igram posts.  I found it fascinating.  Is it art?  Is it Street Art?  They say so, and I believe it.


"The Smile of the Absent Cat" by Grant Morrison and Gerhardt - 6 - Titled "chapter five:  the opening of an eye".  This seems like filler in this Street Art Special, but I'm glad this story is being continued.  This chapter extends the story into another institution, for humans this time, where a resident paints on a mirror what he "sees".  The apparent intersection of realities is part of the story, apparently.  It's "eye opening" as well as a little confusing.  This chapter ends with "to be concluded".


Gallery with Hebru Brantley - 6 - Another instance of good art that doesn't reach me, my loss as always.  The kids with goggles and in superhero outfits are pretty nice, but is HM the right place for this?  Hannah Means-Shannon's interview fills in many of the spaces for me, Mr Hebru has a lot to say, in his words and his art.


"The Language of Revolution" by Swoon and Stephanie Phillips - 6 - Photos of really cool street art, dynamic and intense.  The story is an old man lamenting to his son, how his art called him away from fatherhood, to join the revolution.  That rubbed me the wrong way, since even as he expresses regret for his failure to be present, the regret is more about his own pain than about his son's, showing that dad still doesn't get it.


"Vandal" by Nick Walker, Joseph Keatinge, Ferran Delgado - 7 - Or "The Vandal" on the Contents page.  "Artists walk the street no longer!  Save one!"  Fighting the power of the soulless city with street art, Vandal enlists the Rogs to lookout as he fills the streets with said art.  Almost quaint in succession to the previous story.


"The Chronicles of Brick Lady" by Lady Pink, Roger Smith, Matt O'Connor - 7 - Through centuries, millenia, ages, a Brick Baby grows and becomes Brick Lady, as generations of civilizations pass beneath and around her.  Adored, worshiped, ignored, moved, infiltrated, shattered, loved, she lives many lives.  The art appears composed of a handful of painted scenes, with drawn art in between to fill in the story.  There are a few historical references I caught, and likely some I missed.  One of the paintings reminded me of a scene in the 1981 Heavy Metal Movie, the woman-shaped nightclub with the entrance between the legs.


"Free Your Mind!" by Nychos - 8.5 - Starting with poetic prose and skeletal drawings; then building-sized paintings.  I marveled at the scope and scale of the work.  Such imaginative depth.  Such impressive detail.  I was mystified:  "Morals", "Scleral Ring", "Banana Skinny 2".  I became grateful to see this in my favorite mag.


Gallery with Shepard Fairey - 7 - Titled "The Art of Dissent" with an interview by Hannah Means-Shannon.  Famous to many from the Obey sticker experiment that became Obey Giant, and the 2008 campaign poster HOPE, Shepard Fairey is now an art and fashion corporate titan.  Mr Fairey tries to seem humbled by it all, and to use his powers for good rather than evil.  I find the art striking and cool, and I don't mind the political stance, but I'm not empassioned by it.


"Murky World" by Richard Corben - 8 - I so enjoyed this Corben installment, it stands out in an old-school HM way in this issue of more modern art.  There's the more violent punching and kicking as promised.  There's some lovely Corben art and humor.  There's some dangling Tugat nads.  And poor Tugat seems to be aging and balding rapidly.  Poor guy, with all he's going through, can't blame him.  Story?  More betrayal and fighting and death.  Is this "The End?  Or Will There Be More?"


"Leap of Faith" by Beau Stanton and Adrian Martínez - 6 - Some pretty cool art, photos mostly of building sized compositions, an almost-collage style of photo-realistic images with splashes of color and texture.  In some ways I thought it was a similar style to Tristan Eaton.  The story is a phone conversation between not-young-anymore friends, that develops a personal feel without explicitly tying to the art.  In some way I can relate, in some ways I can't.


"In the Land of Umbra" by Lurk, Cliff Dorman, David Arquette - 6 - Presented as the product of a visit to "a place in the sixth dimension" known as Umbra, a series of portaits of its inhabitants, with descriptions of them and their roles in this faraway place.  Fanciful and fancy, fun and even funny.

cbr

So, the guy that runs https://heavymetalmagazine.wordpress.com/, identified as R.M. Rhodes, also has a twitter, and last week there was an entry linking to https://www.cbr.com/heavy-metal-ceo-thinks-theatrical-r-rated-animated-films-are-the-future/ an article with the HM CEO spouting an opinion about, well, you can see it.  And R.M Rhodes comments that HM website ran video streaming back in the mid 2000s.  Honestly I don't remember that, I do remember references in the mag about their website being "The Hottest Channel on the Internet" and that the HM website was metaltv.com for a while, and I recall it as mostly Mr Eastman's playground, with sutff like a photo gallery of Julie Strain called "I Shot My Wife", fun with Simon Bisley like "Biz and Buzz", and links to Eyebrow Tuna (still out there).  But that was around when I got back into HM after years of not paying attention, so I easily could have missed it.


Like I also missed another earlier cbr article, https://www.cbr.com/heavy-metal-editor-resigns-due-to-bullying-campaign/, describing how Hannah Means-Shannon resigned from HM, back in October.  (another example of my myopically poor HM inquisitiveness; half the reason I have my little blog is to gather my links to cruise around the interwebs looking at HM stuff, but I end up not looking outside the sandbox I play in, so I miss a lot.) 


(The FB posting of her description of her resignation and what led to it is here.)


But mostly I'm sad that Hannah Means-Shannon is no longer at HM, helping nurture the production of the flimsy pile of paper I so enjoy, with the interviews that have gotten better and better the more I read them.  I wonder if the issue #296, with some great artist interviews, is the last we'll see of her in the mag.  It's a shame that her work at HM will be done, especially for the reasons implied by the article, and the unsurprisingly shambolic management of the mag it implies.

Heavy Metal #295

Heavy Metal #295, another "Music Special" in the vein of #287 (eight issues and over two years ago) with stories and art inspired by rock songs.  They must have had some success with the previous Music issue, so they're doing it again.  I'm ok with that.  As before, I'm pretty clueless on the music, but I still get to enjoy the frenzy that seeps into the stories.


I got the Cover "A" by Killian Eng at the bookstore.  It's pretty cool, a sorta-samurai guy at a keyboard, and actually quite reminiscent of the Cover "A" for #287, coincidentally also by Killian Eng.  Imagine that.  I didn't see a page showing all the covers in the mag, I had to go to the preview article to be sure which was which.  The cover price is up to $9.99, and there are over 200 pages in this issue, compared to the previous #294 with over 150 pages at $8.95.


Judas Priest - "Firepower" by Jeff Krelitz, Diego Agrimbau, Agustín Alessio, Taylor Esposito - 6 - Besieged scientists release a robot warrior into spacetime.  It joins some historical battles, laying waste to its finders' enemies.  Kinda cool, if not dramatically intriguing.  It says "To Be Continued".


"Crystal Planet" by Ned Evett, Joe Satriani, Brendon Small, Dan Morison, Dennis Calero, Micah Myers - 6 - A guitarist saves the world from alien invasion.  It spends most of its space on the guitarist's back story, his long-gone father and the guitar he left him.  The art's alright, the story goes pretty well, it seems like it could be continued, but apparently it's not.


HO99O9 - "Master of Pain" by Aaron Gillespie, Arturo Lauria, DC Hopkins - 8 - Pay-per-view snuff gang is destroyed by a bio-android vigilante.  Incredibly violent and disturbing.  The art is all deep purple and neon black shadows.  The storytelling is brisk with an ironic twist to the justice delivered.  It came together for me as a strong HM story.


"The Boss" by Diego Agrimbau, Marco Turini, Adam Wollet - 7.5 - "Story inspired by Dave Correia's cover art for Rob Sonic's Defriender album" which is conveniently located just before this story, and also the Cover "B" for this issue # 295.  Death is overcome in a hostile takeover.  I like what I've seen of Mr Turini's art in previous stories, but I didn't recognize this as his right away.  Maybe it's the depictions of Death and demons instead of hot babes in improbable space suits.  I still like it.  The story gets a lot out of the one picture that inspired it, more than I could do, and makes strong reference to some present-day societal issues.


An ad for a Tenacious D tour, that was done by the time this came out, is followed by "The Metal" by Ryan Browne, Aaron Conley, Vladimir Popov, Taylor Esposito - 6 - Caricatures of urban musicians accidently summon The Metal and unite to send the demon back to where it came.  They fail.  Quick, fun, and a bit funny.


High on Fire - "Spewn from the Earth" by Phil Hester, Matt Allison, Frank Cvetkovic - 6 - The battle of gods and the suffering it brings.  Greys and browns and quoted lyrics.  The power and emotion it carries can't break into my skull.


Slipknot - "We Are Not Your Kind" by Corey Taylor, M. Shawn Crahan, Alex De Campi, Jonathan Wayshak, Fares Maese - 5 - Some guy wallowing in regret, wearing a mask, some book or game?  The story may be unclear to me, the art is frantic and shattering, setting a stage for something maybe, since it says "To Be Continued".


Gallery with Grimes, and an informative interview by Hannah Means-Shannon - 6 - The musician is able to grow her art into visual space.  Of course I don't know the artist's body of work, and though I get a high-school notebook feel from the art, I can also feel it trying to extend into fuller emotion and awareness, as well as technical execution.


Mastadon - "The Czar" by Jeremy Haun, Shane Patrick White, Nick Filardi, Micah Myers - 7 - Spelled "Mastodon" on the Contents page.  I rather enjoyed this one despite my lack of familiarity with the music, I got into the epic though fragmented storytelling.  A woman is betrayed at the heist of some alien monolith, or something, and is transported to another reality reincarnated as some sort of superwoman.  Befriended by a local tribe, she's forced to repel an attack on them that leaves almost no survivors.  The art is good enough, and does a great job driving the action of the story, with some fantastic imagination.  And the storytelling drew me in, with few words, of which many were in an alien tongue, even though little is resolved.


Code Orange - "The Hunt" by Cullen Bunn, Andy Belanger, Tatto Caballero, Micah Myers - 5 - Told mostly without words.  A car theft and chase in an urban wasteland.  With Murder.  If I had a clue about the song this is based on I probably would've gotten more out of it.


Def Leppard - "Hysteria" by Jeff Krelitz, Leah Moore, John Reppion, Simeon Aston, Moramike, Fabian Cobos, Zoar Huerta, DC Hopkins - 6 - Social worlds collide when a biker kid jumping over a ravine for a gang initiation, almost hits a bored socialite escaping her mum's snooty party.  Of course she's smitten, and he leaves.  But it says "to be continued" so we might get more from this story.


Amon Amarth - "The Berserker at Stamford Bridge" by Alex De Campi, Tony Parker, Carlos Cabrera - 6 - This story has some ambition and some success weaving the tale of a Beserker into the story of the Norman invasion of England.  It tries to tell his origins and makes a nice reference to the Bayeux Tapestry.


Megadeth - "The Skull Beneath the Skin" by Justin Jordan, Rob Prior, JAME - 7 - A tale of personal anguish in a world full of evil.  Cool art effects and the power of the storytelling was made plain to me.


Iron Maiden - "Legacy of the Beast - Night City Preview" by Llexi Leon, Ian Edginton, Kevin West, Richard Friend, Keith Champagne, Raúl Manríquez, Jacob Bascle - 5 - The long list of creators is not noted on the work, an apparent preview of a video game.  HM is getting a lot of mileage out of this collaboration with Iron Maiden.  I'm not a fan, but good for them.


"The Ghoul Screamer" by Dan Fogler, Burney, Justin Mohlman, Matthew Allison - 7 - A rather cool story about a band gaining possession of the guitar pedal of "Jimi Hyjinx".  Reminiscent of "The Legend of the Magic Tone Box" by Angus McKie from the October 1980 issue of Heavy Metal, and with a layer of Spinal Tap.  Derivative perhaps, but also funny, and I liked the art.  And it also says "to be continued..."


"Murky World" by Richard Corben - 7.5 - I'm glad this is continued in this otherwise Rock-oriented issue.  Our hero Tugat continues his murky quest, through a desolate landscape, encountering an old foe.  Still more murky than mysterious, but it's fun and I still like seeing the wonky Corben art.  "More violent punching and kicking" is in store.


Artist Spotlight by Gerald Scarfe - 8.5 - With a lengthy interview by Hannah Means-Shannon.  Gerald Scarfe is a widely known cartoonist and illustrator (except my me) who did the art for Pink Floyd's "The Wall", so this does fit well with this Music issue.  The artist is not shy expressing his opinions about his work or his politics in his art over his long career, and I admire the mag for displaying these opinions on its pages.

Twisted Holiday Horror Tales #1

"Twisted Holiday Horror Tales #1", as advised to my humble blog by Attila Kiss, is now available for purchase, digital on comiXology: https://bit.ly/2qmU5wo, and digital + print-on-demand at IndyPlanet: https://bit.ly/2P9Pshx.  Some of his other Blues Ratz work is available too.  I'm happy to plug my old internet buddy Intone Flux's real-life comix work.  Order now for the Holidays!

Soft Wood

Soft Wood is labeled "America's New Comedy and Parody Magazine" and "From the People That Bring You Heavy Metal Magazine".  First surfacing as an April Fool's joke, then announced as a real thing in June, I got my copy (with the Cover A "Gepetto" by Cedric Peyravernay, which is also the inside cover art) in a comic shop in September.


I'm annoyed this thing exists.  If this had come out as a Humor Special or other HM publication in the course of a normal year, I would have felt better about it.  But this year, when HM only publishes 4 issues, including this attempt at a new magazine, I felt the effort would have been better spent getting Heavy Metal Magazine published the stated 6 times in a year.  (HM just announced #296, but it's just up for pre-order yet, so no way it comes out this year.)  Most all of the stories, and there are many, would have fit just fine in "regular" issues.  It's been disheartening these past few years that the mag hasn't been able to keep up a regular pace, pretty much since the end of the Eastman Era (which may not have been flawless, especially around the time issues started to be numbered.  Hard to think that was 7 years ago).


I was almost annoyed enough to not bother with a review, and treat this as an aberration, but I figured the creators' work is worthy of attention (heck, they probably thought they were submitting to Heavy Metal, and I bet plenty are happy to be in something at least HM-adjacent), and I need to be able to take what I can get, with HM and everything else, 'cause nothin' lasts forever, especially not me.  So here goes, then I can get to #295 before the end of the year.


First off, the logo is credited, "Heavy Metal & Soft Wood Logos by Peter Kleinman" right at the bottom of the first contents page.  I had read before about the original logo on Lostboy's heavymetalmagazinefanpage.com/history but it's cool he was able to provide the Soft Wood logo too, and get the credit.


"Camp Micro-Penis" by Shannon Wheeler - 6 - A boy at camp tells the story of another boy's "Super Tiny Penis".  This tries to rise above the joke by telling of the unfortunate lad's grace and sacrifice, but with only moderate success.


"Blue Haiku" by Marc Koprinarov and Scott R Miller - 5 - A series of illustrations in an inspirational poster style, but with subjects I can describe as sarcastic, accompanied by haiku-like verse with often sexual tone.  The art and verse have little to do with each other, perhaps trying for a sharp mystery but I'm only getting a sense of murky confusion.  If I liked it better, that might have been part of its charm, but...


"Jake Likes Onions" by Jake Thompson - 6 - There are a few of these one-pagers by Mr Thompson in this mag, with some decent black-and-white illustrations and a single joke, some are better than others.


"Suicity" by Osmarco Valladao, Manoel M, Carlos Cabrera - 5 - A citizen of a future-noir city jumps off a building, and is stopped by a security drone in mid-fall.  Berated for law breaking by a clown-faced screen, including unauthorized suicide attempt.  The penalty for which is death, so it lets him drop.  Doesn't seem as funny as it may have been intended.


"Cartoon" by Shannon Wheeler - 4 - Angels in heaven, critiquing an angel rock band.


"Star Cycles" by Tom Pinchuk, Denis Medri, Troy Peteri - 5 - The story of a human interstellar hero, told as a tv retrospective with snippets of interviews of associates.  It looks good and has some good lines. 


Another "Jake Likes Onions" - 4


"Newsflash" by Krent Able - 6 - A tv news program seems to take its data from personal intimate measurements of the personnel.  This is notable for the graphic depictions of the intimate measurements.  There's a Readers' Survey at the end, I am apparently "just too thick to get it".


"Comix" by Alex Jenkins - 5 - A handful of one-page jokes.  Wordless with simple art, they may not say a lot, but they do so with a certain amount of naïve charm.


"Watchmensch" by Rich Johnston, Simon Rohrmuller, Matthew Vega, John Higgins - 4 - Apparently a parody of Watchmen.  I haven't read that, and but for a bit of recent internet jabber about Alan Moore and superhero comics, and apparently a tv show, I am clueless.  I catch a couple cameos, Ozzy, Comic Book Guy, Krustofski, is that Mr Morrison?  And there's some article parody in the middle that is not continued overleaf.  I don't know from mainstream comics, and not knowing the inside jokes, I did not have fun reading this, my loss I'm sure. 


"Baphomet Ad" by Krent Able - 6 - A rather fun two-page magazine ad parody, for a remote-controlled Baphomet toy.  Some of the jokes were pretty funny, I liked the "omni-directional death mound" myself.


"Who, MD" by Tony Lee, Dan Boultwood, Adam Wollet - 6 - A family struggles to accommodate Grandpa's peculiar demands, starts off-the-wall and dials up the crazy from there, with a twist at the ending.  Fun modern art with a fast-paced story, it's got some things to offer.


"BLARGH the Creature from Kraaka-5" by Rafer Roberts and Robert Sean - 7 - A scientist Dr Gravely and his assistant Billy encounter BLARGH in his hunt for his enemies on earth.  Made to look like old comic dot-shading on tattered pages, it plays up the fun of sarcastic nostalgia.  Maybe not pretty, but enjoyable.


"Evan Dorkin's Fun Strips" by (um) Evan Dorkin and Charo Solis - 6 - Sixteen Fun Strips, providing varying amounts of Fun.  I liked the Socket Ghost in Busy Body Grandma, and the Extry the Quisp-looking alien in Science Fiction Theatre.


Another "Jake Likes Onions" - 4


"Doctor Gravely and Billy in:  Lord of the Fruit Flies" by Sean Frost and Rafer Roberts - 7 - Doctor Gravely helps Billy with his Science Fair project.  Classic.


"Food Fight" by Jesse Blaze Snider, Steve Kurth, D.C. Hopkins - 7 - A take on civil unrest in the context of an "uprising of anthropomorphic mutant animals".  Nicely drawn with some bits of humor, and the writing had enough insight to find it enjoyable.


"Attack of the 50ft Fred" by Shannon Eric Denton and Benjamin Lackey - 6 - A horny 50s guy is abducted by aliens after getting shut down by his girlfriend at the makeout spot, and improbably survives mortal combat to emerge victorious.  Moderately funny with nicely energetic art.


Another "Jake Likes Onions" - 5


"Blue Haiku 2" by Marc Koprinarov and Voodoo Salad - 6 - More perverted verse with a different artist's work accompanying.  The art is stylized portraits with no relation to the verse, but I thought it was a bit more imaginative and interesting.


"Demonopolis" by Bob Fingerman - 7 - Sewage worker demons join their boss for dinner.  I like Mr Fingerman's Dotty's Inferno, seen in HM #s 290 and 291, the art is fun and the jokes are funny, happy to see more of his similar work here.


"The Furious Friendship Goats" by Tony Fleecs, Celor, Vladimir Popov, Micah Myers - 6 - So, three magic goats have to throw verbal abuse at each other, or else the world stops spinning.  The art is sparkles and pastels like a kid's comic, and the premise can be amusing, but the jokes are juvenile bro humor that I can find tiresome at my age.  In conclusion, get off my lawn.


"The Second to Last Seal" by Sean Chen and Dee Cunniffe - 7.5 - Death comes for an unready man.  I haven't really seen the Seventh Seal movie this is referencing, But I think I got the idea, and I quite enjoyed the storytelling and the jokes as the man delays his fate.  And it says "To be continued..."


"Cartoon" by Shannon Wheeler - 5 - Another joke with Death


Another "Jake Likes Onions" by Jake Thompson - 5 - "If People Had Tails", more funny because it's more true.


So there is some Heavy Metal Fun available in this mag, and it would not be the worst Heavy Metal Magazine ever, by any estimation.  Trying to get over my annoyance, I'll just sit here and quietly hope that HM will continue publishing and I will continue to be able to buy them and express my little opinions into the ethereal void.

Dean Haspiel interview

So it's been over a year since I wrote about Dean Haspiel and his play "The Last Bar at the End of the World", and this flimsy connection with my HM fanworld.  I recently figured out that an interview with Mr Haspiel about this play back then, was done by Hannah Means-Shannon, now HM's Senior Editor.  So that makes it worthwhile to me to post about it.


Foreshadowing Ms Means-Shannon's interviewing prowess, as now on display in (both of...) this year's issues, she gets some in-depth answers from Mr Haspiel, and from some real-live New York performers from the show, Philip Cruise, Ed Miller, and Anna Stefanic.


It makes me wish there was more Mr Haspiel in HM.  He seems busy, as noted on his website http://www.deanhaspiel.com/ and his other internet outlets, with his success with his Red Hook series.  But this was a pleasant diversion from waiting for the #295 issue of the mag, and trying to decide how annoyed I am that Soft Wood exists.

Heavy Metal #294

It says "Industrial Special", I can't say for sure why, maybe it's because many of the stories have some technology.  I got this year's 2nd issue of the mag in the 8th month of the year.  It's a hefty issue at over 150 pages, and I enjoyed reading it.  But it's hard to understand why they can still sell subscriptions for 6 issues a year, when they haven't produced more than 5 for a couple years, maybe since the Eastman era?  I'm finding myself annoyed that they took the trouble to publish "Soft Wood", which seemed to start as an April Fool's joke (which I did finally find, maybe I'll make a review, dunno), when they can't publish a full year of bimonthly issues.  It doesn't seem like lack of material is the problem.


As always, my whining gets me nowhere, and I'm better off finding the place where I can be grateful for what we do have.  Working on it.


I got the Cover A, "Sorrow" by Donato Giancola - 6 - Two robots appear to comfort or caress a limp naked human form.  Perhaps evocative but obtuse.  This artist has a gallery in the issue.


Inside at the contents page, the art is from the Cover C, "Poursuit" by Tom Hisbergue, which I liked with its mashup vibe of Thelma and Louise meets Bladerunner.


"If/Then" by Genevieve Valentine, Agustín Alessio, Adam Wollet - 6 - A woman with a spear seems to be warily moving through a forest that appears patrolled by robots, when she encounters a robot dog trapped by a rock.  She frees the robot dog, which then appears to bond with her.  It's hard to say if this is simply a girl meets robot search dog story, or if we should find more to it.  The title as program logic statement, makes me think the robot dog made the logical decision to protect the woman, based on her kindness in freeing it.  But that makes me wonder if that would be a bug or a feature in the robot dog's programming.


"1NF3RNO" by Thom London, Curt Pires, Antonio Fuso, Stefano Simeone, Micah Myers - 7 - This seems to start as a future-religion morality play, then has the deaths and afterlifes of two people apparently mixed up.  It mostly follows the deceased young woman's path through Hell and representations of the seven deadly sins, to try to find her way out.  She was maybe successful?  It's not surprising I could be a little confused, but I found enough intriguing questions in this to interest me.


"Smile of the Absent Cat" by Grant Morrison and Gerhard - 7 - Subtitled "chapter four: the whole of creation", and referred to on the contents page as "The Smile Absent Cat".  Mr Catkins is convinced to join the "cult of science" that has been manipulating the world around him.  Glad this chapter appears after "only a few" months (two issues) after chapter three, instead of a year and a half like the last time.  And also glad for the conspiratorial plot exposition, though it seems our poor protagonist is being taken advantage of in his mentally unstable state.


Gallery by Nick Pyle - 7 - With an interview by Hannah Means-Shannon.  From comics consuming youth to noise-rock musician to self-taught artist, Mr Pyle has a unique and recognizable style, heavy on armored and/or robot humanoids, with lots of colored lights and squggly wiring.  I can imagine the lights blinking, though I can hardly imagine this style animating well.  My untrained eye seemed to see the untrained means to the artistic ends, and I was more amused than annoyed by inconsistencies in perspective or anatomy.  I think it's because I get the feeling he's having fun with it.  I also enjoyed the imagination displayed, where the style doesn't get in the way of the story the images seem to convey.


"Caretaker" by Matt Emmons - 6 - A robot, apparently the "Caretaker", makes its way through what appears to be the decrepit remains of some sort of human space colony settlement.  I liked the art style and execution, and the storytelling was good, but I got lost in the details, like who designs a robot with a fragile glass skullplate?  And it had a fruit stolen by a raccoon-looking critter, but it had another one stashed to give away later?  Just another day apparently.


"(Inspired by the Song...) Thieves by Ministry" by Aubrey Sitterson, Andrea Mutti, Vladimir Popov, Taylor Esposito - 6 - A complicated title, noted more simply as 'Ministry's "Thieves"' on the Contents page.  I don't know the song, so I start disadvantaged.  I liked the art style, ragged yet colorful and energetic, and the storytelling builds nicely.  The story itself doesn't grab me, maybe I'll look up the song to see if that fills me in.


Gallery by Donato Giancola - 7 - With Hannah Means-Shannon with the interview.  The HM website recently produced a News article with Giancola's work, many of which appear in this Gallery.  The article calls this the "Empathetic Robots" series, oddly not mentioned in the interview here.  I liked the realistic-ish classical-y art style, which helps display the Empathy the images are apparently meant to convey.


"Into the Black" by Keith Grassmick, Nick Philpott, Dennis Calero - 6 - A dark near-future cop thriller with several broken-down-cops tropes.  It does have a knack for presenting contrivances as intriguing perspectives.


"Glitch" by Dwayne Harris - 6 - A simple future society-VR joke, this tells its joke well in just a couple pages.


"Murky World" Chapter 8 by Richard Corben - 7.5 - A search party seeks the kidnapped daughter of Lod Phatuus, finding instead the escaped slave Moja with Tugat waiting in ambush.  Still terrificly Corben, and with some fine gratuitous nudity, I'm a bit miffed this one doesn't follow up on the old prophet's proposition to Tugat.  I'll get over it, especially if this continues like this.


"Machine Age Voodoo" by Frank Forte, Michael Duplessis, Moramike, Carlos Cabrera - 6 - A disaffected mad scientist, as a musician, seethes at society's inability to recognize his genius.  Energetic writing and furious art sustain the storytelling, despite flat characterizations and a disconcerting misalignment of the color register in some of the images.  It seems intentional, and adds to the frenzy, but it made it a challenge to process some of the scenes.


"I am Your God" by Homero Rios, Davi Augusto, David Ocampo, JAME- 7 - A society where humankind is extinct, replaced by the "Synthetics" who "emulate their behavior for a better life experience".  Until one starts questioning their existence, just like those flawed humans.  The art has a nice style and the story unfolds apace.  I thought this did a good job with the telling of this old modern story.


Gallery by xsullo - 7 - Hannah Means-Shannon interviews the artist, AKA Nick Sullo.  Portaits of techno-fear, with strong colors and disturbing imagery, which I enjoy despite the visceral fright.  The HM website also has a News article with more of this artist's work.


"Dance, Death, Dance" by Kevin Eastman, Esau Escorza, Tato Caballero, JAME - 6 - A robot has life, love, loss, and death.  Starting with a lightining strike through a future-modern city, to the waste dump at its base, a Terminator-looking robot is animated into a Bisley-looking character, to experience his ghost-lover, to lose her in a zombie attack, and to die to give her "life".  The art is vibrant and enjoyable, and gives the story its all, but I found annoyance that Mr Eastman's writing consisted of Hamlet's "To be or not to be..." soliloquy.  I'm sure the writing of this story also included telling the artist what scenes to draw, and this is the most Eastman content in several issues.  I guess I was hoping for more.


"The Second Rider" by Jesse Lonergan - 6 - A motorcycle riding assassin, the "second rider", fulfills his mission, and then some, replacing his target to rule in their place.  Oh and he's a "shape shifter" and is last seen impersonating the ruler in the ruler's bed with a concubine.  I liked the art and styling, the storytelling was effective, even if unexciting to me.


"Planet Carnivore" by Philippe Caza - 8 - Rating may be inflated for sentimental reasons.  I greatly enjoyed Caza's work in the earlier years of the mag.  The art was a delight, colorful and intriguing, finely executed, plenty sexy, and he could tell a story with wit, humor, and grace.  The most recent instance of Caza's work in the mag as far as I can tell, was on an inside cover in #281, and that was apparently from 1983.  Besides that I believe his last appearances were in 2001 (the January and Summer issues).  Having newer work in the mag is a delight.  For a long time, a link on Lostboy's HM fan page went to a Caza site, in French, but there were some items for sale, digital work and some printed.  The link is long gone, and I regretted not acting on procuring some of this stuff, but I actually looked and found a link.  Maybe I'll actually do something.  Oh, and the story?  A marooned space traveler, describing the native fauna trying to eat them as annoying downstairs neighbors (a perspective often used in Caza's HM stories), is plucked from the peril, but not to be saved.